It's not exactly a curse. I just can't think of another way to phrase it. My college job was working in the analog circuits lab stockroom for the electrical engineering department. It was a super-cushy job, which my cousin handed off to me when she finished her master's, before I started school. And somehow, starting from my freshman year of college, I just keep meeting electrical engineers! Everywhere I go!
This job was a source of incredible amusement for me and my roommate Wendy, who would come to work with me and ask all the guys random questions about dating, kind of like a survey. It was actually a lot of fun, we'd make bets on what the answers would be beforehand. And the guys (this was the electrical engineering department, so of course the major, and the classes, were like 99% guys) would sometimes have fun with it, too, because of course talking to two really naive freshmen would beat putting together an analog circuit (I guess it doesn't say much for either Wendy or myself that most of the guys didn't want to talk to us and apparently DID prefer their circuit boards).
One of the questions was: Would you rather date a girl who's 4'6", or 6'4"? (No, Wendy and I did not do drugs). Surprisingly (since I was relying on the premise that guys don't like taller girls), most went with 6'4". The exception was this hot Middle Eastern guy (who by the next year was downgraded to just cute, because his friend was seriously worth swooning over) who said, "C'mon, guys, think about it: 4'6" ... there would be serious benefits, amIriiiiight?"
The Hot Middle Eastern Guy, or as we'll call him, Fake ID, became one of Wendy's favorites over the course of the year. He was part of this group of really attractive, funny EE and CS majors. All the guys in that group would take the time to talk and joke around with us. If they ever saw anyone of their friends talking to us, they'd rush over and the conversation would become one big party (until the professor noticed and sent them back). Fake ID, in addition to having an ID that looked TOTALLY fake, made fun of me for falling asleep in the stockroom once (SO embarrassing), totally flirted with a gay TA to raise his lab report score (while Wendy and I patiently waited to close up the lab for the night), and due to comments he made, made himself a source of speculation over his ambiguous sexuality.
Wendy and I were giving Fake ID shit about keeping us late the week before (when he was flirting with his TA), and his friend Great Hair stopped looking for wires to say, "Seriously? Don't you know by now that it's not worth the couple of extra points?"
"No, it totally is! Think about it," Fake ID began to argue, and then Vodka-Red Bull came by and said, "What's going on?" then "You're wasting your time, dude," to Fake ID.
I call him Vodka-Red Bull because the alternative was "Lightweight"--- he taught me and Wendy the term "lightweight" one day when he was hungover. He said he had had a few vodka-red bulls the night before and he was still suffering. We were like, "What's that?" Then he said, "Damn, you've never had vodka and Red Bull? Well, you two are probably lightweights, huh?" and we were like, "What's that?" (which is kind of hilarious now).
My favorite, favorite engineering student of all time was Pseudo-Herb, as my cousin called him. I was training my friend to work in the lab when I first saw him, and when I did, I was like, "WOW" [look up] "Thank you, God; he's perfect." He was GORGEOUS. Fake ID was making up a lab that he hadn't finished at the same time, so they saw each other in front of the stockroom and did that whole beat-each-other-up-affectionately thing that guys do. I was thinking, "INTRODUCE ME, FAKE ID! Introduce me to my future husband!" But of course he didn't; probably because Fake ID and I had never exchanged names, despite talking so much. Which is kind of weird, now that I think about it. Fake ID was from New York, according to his fake ID, perhaps that's why. But, I ramble.
I was so into Pseudo-Herb, that I actually tried to flirt with him. Note: If you're as awkward as I am (which is, very awkward), then you should never try to flirt with anyone. But a sign of Pseudo-Herb's perfection was, he was able to work with my pathetic attempt at flirtation. He returned his lab equipment, and it was in perfect order. So I was like, "ooh, you wrapped your DMM so perfectly-- you can be my best friend in this class!" Pseudo-Herb smiled at me and said, "Okay, see you next week, Best Friend." His hand lingered over mine and his ID card, then he took the card and winked at me. And I was in love for a LONG time after that.
The funniest conversation at the EE stockroom involved Fake ID, Great Hair, and Vodka-Red Bull talking about how tough UCLA's engineering program was. Fake ID said, "I spend ALL my time in the library! It's so miserable." He pointed to Great Hair, who was Indian. "See him? My skin should look like his."
Great Hair snapped, "Oh, PLEASE! You know how much darker my skin should be? That's how much time studying engineering requires."
Vodka-Red Bull just laughed at them (and their expectant looks for his input) and said, "Yeah, I just don't study so I can get sun."
"Don't listen to him," Great Hair said to me. "He's a legendary curve-destroyer."
No comments:
Post a Comment